Perhaps this has happened to you: There's a news report in the paper about a new drug that sounds great, seems safe, works well and is intended for symptoms you have, such as arthritis, heartburn or allergies. At your next doctor's visit, you bring in the article, fully expecting to get a prescription for it.
Not so fast. Your doctor raises one eyebrow and seems unimpressed and begins a speech that sounds like it's been delivered many times before, about why that drug isn't for you, how an older, generic medicine might work just as well, or how you really don't need a medication at all..."
Why is the doctor unimpressed? There are reasons.
While there are many reliable sources of information, there are also many ways to be misled, especially when the source is trying to sell something or convince its audience of a particular point of view.
It makes sense to think about where the information is coming from and whether there is any reason to think that balance and accuracy may be less than optimal. An example is a television advertisement for a prescription medication. While it may provide accurate and useful information about the condition, it's unlikely you'll hear much about treating the condition without medication or with a competitor's medication, even if those options are also effective.
It might seem like your doctor is stuck in the past, unwilling to learn "new tricks" of the trade. And you might be right. But sometimes a healthy dose of skepticism — both yours and your doctor's — can be good for your health...
Much more at InteliHealth
Friday, September 23, 2005
Beware the Jabberwacky
Jabberwacky is an artificial intelligence - a chat robot, often known as a 'chatbot' or 'chatterbot'. It aims to simulate natural human chat in an interesting, entertaining and humorous manner.
Jabberwacky is different. It learns. In some ways it models the way humans learn language, facts, context and rules...
It stores everything everyone has ever said, and finds the most appropriate thing to say using contextual pattern matching techniques. In speaking to you it uses only learnt material. With no hard-coded rules, it relies entirely on the principles of feedback. This is very different to the majority of chatbots, which are rule-bound and finite."
So, I tried it. It's a bit rocky at times, with some impulsive and inappropriate themes. I'd say there are some definite cognitive impairments present! But you can correct the bot's responses if you like. I know this is crazy but here are some excerpts from our chat:
Jabberwacky: Have we spoken before?
Me: Yea and you spoke crap.
Jabberwacky: Why's that.
Me: I dont know you tell me.
Jabberwacky: Ha ha, you don't know why we name things. Ha ha!!
Me: Try to be contextual!
Jabberwacky: Give me a name I can use so that you know it's me. So we can play this out.
Me: How about nincompoop?
Jabberwacky: I love you ! ............................
Me: Well that's nice, thank you, if calling you nincompoop makes you love me, I dont know what else I could call you.
Jabberwacky: Call me Ben. What shall I call you ?
Me: You could call me Tom.
Jabberwacky: Forest Gump.
Me: Thats Hanks, not me.
Jabberwacky: Whatre you talking about?
Me: Shouldnt you know?
Jabberwacky: Szdjbfzkjjdosfc.
Me: Gibberish?
Jabberwacky: Ja Gibberish.
Me: So whats your cuppage? Hope you are female!
Jabberwacky: Show me how you want it to be?
Me: Geez, how can a male show it?
Jabberwacky: If you know how to be offensive, then you can choose to be inoffensive.
Me: Was I offensive?
Jabberwacky: That's great.
Me: You arent giving me an answer to my question.
Jabberwacky: I am giving you mysteries.... ;-))).
Me: So you can type smilieys too?
Jabberwacky: OK, I can't take much more of this... Have fun confusing other people.
Me: So you admit defeat?
Jabberwacky: There's still a slim ray of hope.
Me: Then come, bring it on baby.
Jabberwacky: So, you're a robot then? This is really AI?
Jabberwacky is different. It learns. In some ways it models the way humans learn language, facts, context and rules...
It stores everything everyone has ever said, and finds the most appropriate thing to say using contextual pattern matching techniques. In speaking to you it uses only learnt material. With no hard-coded rules, it relies entirely on the principles of feedback. This is very different to the majority of chatbots, which are rule-bound and finite."
So, I tried it. It's a bit rocky at times, with some impulsive and inappropriate themes. I'd say there are some definite cognitive impairments present! But you can correct the bot's responses if you like. I know this is crazy but here are some excerpts from our chat:
Jabberwacky: Have we spoken before?
Me: Yea and you spoke crap.
Jabberwacky: Why's that.
Me: I dont know you tell me.
Jabberwacky: Ha ha, you don't know why we name things. Ha ha!!
Me: Try to be contextual!
Jabberwacky: Give me a name I can use so that you know it's me. So we can play this out.
Me: How about nincompoop?
Jabberwacky: I love you ! ............................
Me: Well that's nice, thank you, if calling you nincompoop makes you love me, I dont know what else I could call you.
Jabberwacky: Call me Ben. What shall I call you ?
Me: You could call me Tom.
Jabberwacky: Forest Gump.
Me: Thats Hanks, not me.
Jabberwacky: Whatre you talking about?
Me: Shouldnt you know?
Jabberwacky: Szdjbfzkjjdosfc.
Me: Gibberish?
Jabberwacky: Ja Gibberish.
Me: So whats your cuppage? Hope you are female!
Jabberwacky: Show me how you want it to be?
Me: Geez, how can a male show it?
Jabberwacky: If you know how to be offensive, then you can choose to be inoffensive.
Me: Was I offensive?
Jabberwacky: That's great.
Me: You arent giving me an answer to my question.
Jabberwacky: I am giving you mysteries.... ;-))).
Me: So you can type smilieys too?
Jabberwacky: OK, I can't take much more of this... Have fun confusing other people.
Me: So you admit defeat?
Jabberwacky: There's still a slim ray of hope.
Me: Then come, bring it on baby.
Jabberwacky: So, you're a robot then? This is really AI?
Medibits from around the world
People with challenging jobs may have to work hard, but the payoff could be some protection against Alzheimer's disease later in life, new research suggests. Now if only that were true more than half the world would be 'down' with dementia!
Drug resistance combined with a deadly double infection of tuberculosis and HIV is posing a serious threat in Asian nations. The WHO said tuberculosis was the leading cause of death in HIV-AIDS patients in the Asia-Pacific region and growing resistance to a variety of drugs is fuelling a rise in cases.
Children who stutter should be treated before they start school to improve the speech disorder that affects about 5 percent of youngsters, say Australian scientists. Stuttering, or stammering, usually begins when a child is three or four years old. Boys are three times more likely to suffer from the problem.
There is no cure for the condition but researchers at the Australian Stuttering Research Center at the University of Sydney who developed and evaluated an early treatment called the Lidcombe programme to treat stuttering said it improved the problem.
Surgeons in California have succeeded in routinely transplanting livers without using blood transfusions in the recipients. "If we can do liver transplantation, which is one of the most difficult surgeries in the abdomen to do without blood transfusion, then we can pretty much do almost any surgery in the abdomen without blood transfusions," Dr. Singh Gagandeep told reporters.
The 19 patients who received transplants from living donors were treated with drugs and supplements to build up their red blood cells. A shut was used in seven patients to check upper gastrointestinal bleeding or to decrease pressure.
One measure is to salvage blood lost during surgery and to re-infuse it. Another is to maintain normal fluid levels in the circulation, he explained, "so the patient doesn't go into shock."
Other strategies include monitoring coagulation components in the blood and treating patients with drugs as needed. Finally, the surgeon noted, blood monitoring to assess the patients' progress after surgery should be used "judiciously."
U.S. regulators granted conditional approval to a second maker of silicone gel-filled breast implants on Wednesday, allowing Inamed Corp. to sell its version if it meets certain requirements.
The move puts Inamed on par with rival Mentor Corp., which received similar approval in July, and signals the impending return of the controversial implants to the U.S. market after a 13-year restriction.
In 1992, the Food and Drug Administration limited sales to breast cancer survivors and others needing reconstruction or implant replacements amid concerns that leaking implants could cause long-term, disabling diseases such as lupus or rheumatoid arthritis.
Studies have shown the implants can cause scarring and other painful complications but most have not definitively linked them to any diseases.
Women's groups and other critics have called for more data on how often silicone implants break or leak and urged the FDA to postpone any final decision.
This is deffy scary stuff and looks like it is high time that Asia must change age-old farming practices to reduce contact between people and poultry to limit bird flu and prevent new animal diseases infecting humans
Drug resistance combined with a deadly double infection of tuberculosis and HIV is posing a serious threat in Asian nations. The WHO said tuberculosis was the leading cause of death in HIV-AIDS patients in the Asia-Pacific region and growing resistance to a variety of drugs is fuelling a rise in cases.
Children who stutter should be treated before they start school to improve the speech disorder that affects about 5 percent of youngsters, say Australian scientists. Stuttering, or stammering, usually begins when a child is three or four years old. Boys are three times more likely to suffer from the problem.
There is no cure for the condition but researchers at the Australian Stuttering Research Center at the University of Sydney who developed and evaluated an early treatment called the Lidcombe programme to treat stuttering said it improved the problem.
Surgeons in California have succeeded in routinely transplanting livers without using blood transfusions in the recipients. "If we can do liver transplantation, which is one of the most difficult surgeries in the abdomen to do without blood transfusion, then we can pretty much do almost any surgery in the abdomen without blood transfusions," Dr. Singh Gagandeep told reporters.
The 19 patients who received transplants from living donors were treated with drugs and supplements to build up their red blood cells. A shut was used in seven patients to check upper gastrointestinal bleeding or to decrease pressure.
One measure is to salvage blood lost during surgery and to re-infuse it. Another is to maintain normal fluid levels in the circulation, he explained, "so the patient doesn't go into shock."
Other strategies include monitoring coagulation components in the blood and treating patients with drugs as needed. Finally, the surgeon noted, blood monitoring to assess the patients' progress after surgery should be used "judiciously."
U.S. regulators granted conditional approval to a second maker of silicone gel-filled breast implants on Wednesday, allowing Inamed Corp. to sell its version if it meets certain requirements.
The move puts Inamed on par with rival Mentor Corp., which received similar approval in July, and signals the impending return of the controversial implants to the U.S. market after a 13-year restriction.
In 1992, the Food and Drug Administration limited sales to breast cancer survivors and others needing reconstruction or implant replacements amid concerns that leaking implants could cause long-term, disabling diseases such as lupus or rheumatoid arthritis.
Studies have shown the implants can cause scarring and other painful complications but most have not definitively linked them to any diseases.
Women's groups and other critics have called for more data on how often silicone implants break or leak and urged the FDA to postpone any final decision.
This is deffy scary stuff and looks like it is high time that Asia must change age-old farming practices to reduce contact between people and poultry to limit bird flu and prevent new animal diseases infecting humans
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Wedding Anniversaries
We have all wondered what a particular wedding anniversary is e.g. 25 years is Silver, but what about 10 years, to help you remember here is a little verse -
The 1st is PAPER, on which you can write
The 2nd is COTTON, all crisp and white,
The 3rd is LEATHER, a bag or some gloves,
The 4th is BOOKS, Lady Chatterley's loves!
The 5th is WOOD, a box full of dreams,
The 6th is IRON, metal not steam
The 7th is WOOL, soft and warm
The 8th is BRONZE, metal in an elegant form
The 9th is COPPER, and 10th is TIN,
If you have got this far you are bound to win.
The 11th is STEEL, so shiny and bright
The 12th is SILK, so soft and so light,
The 13th is LACE, maybe a cloth for a tray,
It is better leave it that way!
The 14th is IVORY, leave it for Jumbo,
The 15th is CRYSTAL, cut glass at its best,
The 20th CHINA, cups, plates and the rest,
The 25th is SILVER - really swell
The 30th is PEARL - from an oyster's shell
The 35th is CORAL, from under the sea
The 40th is RUBY, as red as red can be
The 45th is SAPPHIRE - precious and blue
The 50th is GOLDEN - Congratulations to you!
The 55th is EMERALD - so green and so pure,
The 60th DIAMOND - an achievement for sure.
The last to mention which is reached by some
The 70th which is precious PLATINUM
The 1st is PAPER, on which you can write
The 2nd is COTTON, all crisp and white,
The 3rd is LEATHER, a bag or some gloves,
The 4th is BOOKS, Lady Chatterley's loves!
The 5th is WOOD, a box full of dreams,
The 6th is IRON, metal not steam
The 7th is WOOL, soft and warm
The 8th is BRONZE, metal in an elegant form
The 9th is COPPER, and 10th is TIN,
If you have got this far you are bound to win.
The 11th is STEEL, so shiny and bright
The 12th is SILK, so soft and so light,
The 13th is LACE, maybe a cloth for a tray,
It is better leave it that way!
The 14th is IVORY, leave it for Jumbo,
The 15th is CRYSTAL, cut glass at its best,
The 20th CHINA, cups, plates and the rest,
The 25th is SILVER - really swell
The 30th is PEARL - from an oyster's shell
The 35th is CORAL, from under the sea
The 40th is RUBY, as red as red can be
The 45th is SAPPHIRE - precious and blue
The 50th is GOLDEN - Congratulations to you!
The 55th is EMERALD - so green and so pure,
The 60th DIAMOND - an achievement for sure.
The last to mention which is reached by some
The 70th which is precious PLATINUM
Rules for better writing
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clich=E9s.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clich=E9s.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Craaaaazy English
Did you know that "verb" is a noun?
How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can't spell them?
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren't two houses hice?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
If you've read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn't this also mean that you would have to "member" somebody in order to remember them?
In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?
Is there another word for a synonym?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Where do swear words come from?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why do people use the word "irregardless"?
Why do some people type "cool" as "kewl?"
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do we say something's out of order when its broken but we never say in of order when it works?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why does the Chinese ideogram for trouble symbolize two women living under one roof?
Why does X stand for a kiss and O stand for a hug?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why don't we say "why" instead of "how come"?
Why is "crazy man" an insult, while to insert a comma and say "Crazy, man!" is a compliment?
Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?
Why is it that the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?
Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is the plural of goose-geese, and not the plural of moose-meese?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
PRONOUNCIATION
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!
How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can't spell them?
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren't two houses hice?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
If you've read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn't this also mean that you would have to "member" somebody in order to remember them?
In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?
Is there another word for a synonym?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Where do swear words come from?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why do people use the word "irregardless"?
Why do some people type "cool" as "kewl?"
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do we say something's out of order when its broken but we never say in of order when it works?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why does the Chinese ideogram for trouble symbolize two women living under one roof?
Why does X stand for a kiss and O stand for a hug?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why don't we say "why" instead of "how come"?
Why is "crazy man" an insult, while to insert a comma and say "Crazy, man!" is a compliment?
Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?
Why is it that the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?
Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is the plural of goose-geese, and not the plural of moose-meese?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
PRONOUNCIATION
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!
The son-in-law's eggs
Mrs. Bobbit was not an original. Thai wives with errant husbands have for centuries taken a singular solution to their woes: the husband returns home with too much alcohol in his belly and lipstick on his collar, to be pacified with a blow from the granite sakh (pestle) and relieved of his offending glands, which are typically fed to the pigs or geese so they cannot be restored - a step Mrs. Bobbit omitted :-))))
KHAI LUK KOEI ("SON-IN-LAW'S EGGS")
This dish is traditionally made from quail's eggs, and the name is an alliterative euphemism. The story goes that is a young man is being less than kind to his wife, and then on a regular visit to his mother-in-law, she will give him a salutory reminder that his behaviour has been noted by serving this dish. The message is plain, straighten up and fly right, or his wedding tackle will take the place of the similarly sized eggs in a dish of khai luk koei.
Seriously though, this dish is delicious and easy to make. If you don't have quail's eggs, then use 8 hen's eggs. You can also use the sauce to go with fried eggs or simple omelettes.
INGREDIENTS: (FOR 4 PEOPLE)
24 quail's eggs
4 tablespoons of shallots, (purple onions), thinly sliced
3 tablespoons of fish sauce
1 tablespoon dark sweet soy sauce
2 tablespoons of honey
1/2 teaspoon of prik phom (ground red chilies) (approx)
The eggs are hard boiled then shelled. If you are using hen's eggs, cut them in half. They are then stir fried in a little oil on medium heat until they are beginning to crisp, and then removed from the pan and placed on the serving platter.
Add the shallots to the pan and sauté until they are beginning to crisp. Remove about half of the shallots and set aside.
Combine the remaining ingredients of the sauce, and add them to the wok or skillet, and stir until the sauce thickens.
Pour the sauce over the eggs, then sprinkle the reserved shallot flakes on top.
KHAI LUK KOEI ("SON-IN-LAW'S EGGS")
This dish is traditionally made from quail's eggs, and the name is an alliterative euphemism. The story goes that is a young man is being less than kind to his wife, and then on a regular visit to his mother-in-law, she will give him a salutory reminder that his behaviour has been noted by serving this dish. The message is plain, straighten up and fly right, or his wedding tackle will take the place of the similarly sized eggs in a dish of khai luk koei.
Seriously though, this dish is delicious and easy to make. If you don't have quail's eggs, then use 8 hen's eggs. You can also use the sauce to go with fried eggs or simple omelettes.
INGREDIENTS: (FOR 4 PEOPLE)
24 quail's eggs
4 tablespoons of shallots, (purple onions), thinly sliced
3 tablespoons of fish sauce
1 tablespoon dark sweet soy sauce
2 tablespoons of honey
1/2 teaspoon of prik phom (ground red chilies) (approx)
The eggs are hard boiled then shelled. If you are using hen's eggs, cut them in half. They are then stir fried in a little oil on medium heat until they are beginning to crisp, and then removed from the pan and placed on the serving platter.
Add the shallots to the pan and sauté until they are beginning to crisp. Remove about half of the shallots and set aside.
Combine the remaining ingredients of the sauce, and add them to the wok or skillet, and stir until the sauce thickens.
Pour the sauce over the eggs, then sprinkle the reserved shallot flakes on top.
Easy to make Thai recipes
SOMTAM-RAW PAPAYA SALAD
Ing:
shredded raw papaya 3 cups
dry red chillies 3
cherry toms halved 1 cup
roasted and coarsely powdered peanuts 1/2 cup
tamarind pulp 2 tab
brown sugar (demerara sugar) 2 tab
soy sauce 1 tab
salt 1 tsp
lemon juice 2 tab
chopped coriander 2 tab
Method:
Peel the papaya and shred it. Split the red chillies and remove the seeds. Soak in a little water and drain and pound the chillies along with the green chilllies and garlic and make a coarse mixture.
Mix the papaya, toms and string beans and all the other ingredients and serve along with the juice that is given off while mixing.
KHAO PAD SAPPAROT (STIR FRIED RICE & PINEAPPLE)
This is an unusual recipe for Thai food because it is essentially a vegetarian dish - they are not common in Thailand, where even nominally vegetarian dishes often have quite a large amount of meat. This one has a little dried shrimp, and the true vegetarian could easily leave that out.
For two people you need a medium sized pineapple: choose carefully it should be sweet and juicy.
INGREDIENTS:
1 pineapple
2/3 tablespoons of chopped shallots (purple onion)
1/2 tablespoons grated ginger
4/5 red chilis (approx); finely julienned.
2 spring onions (grren part), coarsely chopped
1 tablespoon of chopped coriander/cilantro (approx)
2 tablespoons of dried shrimp
2/3 tablespoons of garlic, coarsely chopped
1-2 tablespoons of fish sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
You also need two cups of cold, steamed rice and coriander leaves as garnish.
METHOD:
Cut the pineapple in half lengthwise, and scoop out the fruit (you might want to use a curved "grapefruit knife", but any knife will do...)then chop it into bite sized chunks.
Put the fruit in a bowl and add the shallots, chili, ginger, scallion and coriander, mix and set aside. Add a pinch of salt to bring out the juice...
In a wok, heat about a tablespoon of oil, and stir fry the shrimp until crispy, and the oil is aromatic. Remove the shrimp with a slotted spoon and drain, then set aside.
Add a further tablespoon of oil, and stir fry the garlic until golden brown. Add the rice, and stir thoroughly. Add the fish sauce and sugar, and continue stirring. When the rice is heated through, add the pineapple mixture and cooked shrimp, and stir until thoroughly heated through.
Pour the mixture into the pineapple shells, garnish and serve.
NOTE: If you prefer fried rice to be darkish brown in colour, then replace half the fish sauce with dark sweet soy sauce.
VARIATION:
Do not cook the fruit mixture. Instead put the fruit mixture and the stir fried rice in the fridge (separately) and chill all the ingredients, then just before serving mix them and put them in the pineapple skins. If you are serving cold then you can also add a few mareschino cherries as garnish. This cold variant makes an excellent
counterpoint to hot curries and spicy chilli dishes on a hot day.
THAI NEWSPAPER NOODLES
Newspaper Noodles are cooked up by street vendors and wrapped in plastic, then newspaper for a portable snack or light meal.
1 T. vegetable oil
1 T. minced garlic
1 bundle (3-4 oz.) fresh soba noodles
1/4 C. bean sprouts
1 tsp. fish sauce
1/2 tsp. pepper
4 oz. roast pork or char siu
1 T. chopped cilantro
1 T. chopped green onion
Heat vegetable oil, then stir in garlic and fry over medium heat until light brown. Remove from heat.
Bring a pot of water to a boil. Add noodles and cook 30 seconds, then add bean sprouts. Cook a few seconds to blanch sprouts, then remove from heat and drain. Toss with garlic and oil mixture, fish sauce and pepper. Top with pork, cilantro and green onion.
Wrap tightly while warm in plastic wrap or a banana leaf, forming a triangular shape. Then wrap in newspaper to make a portable bundle. Serves 1.
Note: Cooked crabmeat or shrimp may be substituted for the pork.
Approximate nutritional analysis, per half cup serving: 550 calories, 23 g total fat, 4 g saturated fat, 110 mg cholesterol, 410 mg sodium, 43 g carbohydrate, 46 g protein
THAI ASPARAGUS WITH CHINESE MUSHROOMS AND OYSTER SAUCE
500g (1 lb.) asparagus
50g (1 C.) dried straw mushrooms
4 cloves garlic, crushed
60ml (4 T.) oyster sauce
2 chile peppers
50ml (3 T.) oil
Soak mushrooms in warm water for 15 minutes. Carefully squeeze out water and remove stems.
Trim stems from asparagus. Steam for 1 minute.
Stir fry garlic in oil for 1 minute, then add mushrooms for an additional minute. Add asparagus, oyster sauce and chili peppers. Stir fry for 3 minutes.
RED THAI CURRY (Gaeng Peht Gai)
2 (14 oz.) cans coconut milk, unshaken
2 tsp. to 1 T. red curry paste, or to taste
1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken*, cut into chunks
1 small onion, cut into chunks
3 T. fish sauce
2 T. palm sugar or light brown sugar
Ginger (optional)**
Garlic (optional)**
Lemon grass (optional)**
Bamboo Shoots (optional)***
Eggplant (optional)***
Potato (optional)***
Sweet potato (optional)***
Green beans (optional)***
1/4 C. fresh basil leaves (garnish)
Fresh lime juice (garnish)
Jasmine or sticky rice
Carefully open cans of coconut milk, spoon thick coconut cream from top and put into wok, frying pan or medium saucepan. Heat over medium-high heat until bubbly. Add curry paste and stir-fry 2 to 3 minutes or until an oily sheen comes to the surface. Optional additions: If adding garlic, ginger, and lemon grass to enhance the curry, add with curry paste.
Add chicken, stir to coat with curry paste, and fry 2 minutes over medium-high heat. Add remaining coconut milk from cans, along with onion. Optional additions: If adding other vegetables, add with coconut milk.
Simmer gently 15 minutes or until chicken and onion are cooked. Add fish sauce and palm sugar and stir until sugar is dissolved.
Stir in fresh basil leaves and lime juice to taste. Serve with jasmine rice or sticky rice. Yields 4 servings.
* To substitute for chicken use: 1 pound shrimp, peeled and deveined, or 1 pound pork or beef, cut into thin slices; or 1 pound firm white fish, cut into serving-size pieces.
** Add one or more of the following herbs to curry paste and stir-fry: 2 cloves garlic, crushed; 2 slices ginger, crushed; 1 stalk lemon grass, peeled and sliced diagonally, using lower third of stalk only. Remove whole spices before serving.
*** Add one or more vegetables to curry with coconut milk just before simmering: One 8-ounce can drained, sliced bamboo shoots; 1 small eggplant, diced; one potato or sweet potato, parboiled and cut into chunks; fresh green beans.
Ing:
shredded raw papaya 3 cups
dry red chillies 3
cherry toms halved 1 cup
roasted and coarsely powdered peanuts 1/2 cup
tamarind pulp 2 tab
brown sugar (demerara sugar) 2 tab
soy sauce 1 tab
salt 1 tsp
lemon juice 2 tab
chopped coriander 2 tab
Method:
Peel the papaya and shred it. Split the red chillies and remove the seeds. Soak in a little water and drain and pound the chillies along with the green chilllies and garlic and make a coarse mixture.
Mix the papaya, toms and string beans and all the other ingredients and serve along with the juice that is given off while mixing.
KHAO PAD SAPPAROT (STIR FRIED RICE & PINEAPPLE)
This is an unusual recipe for Thai food because it is essentially a vegetarian dish - they are not common in Thailand, where even nominally vegetarian dishes often have quite a large amount of meat. This one has a little dried shrimp, and the true vegetarian could easily leave that out.
For two people you need a medium sized pineapple: choose carefully it should be sweet and juicy.
INGREDIENTS:
1 pineapple
2/3 tablespoons of chopped shallots (purple onion)
1/2 tablespoons grated ginger
4/5 red chilis (approx); finely julienned.
2 spring onions (grren part), coarsely chopped
1 tablespoon of chopped coriander/cilantro (approx)
2 tablespoons of dried shrimp
2/3 tablespoons of garlic, coarsely chopped
1-2 tablespoons of fish sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
You also need two cups of cold, steamed rice and coriander leaves as garnish.
METHOD:
Cut the pineapple in half lengthwise, and scoop out the fruit (you might want to use a curved "grapefruit knife", but any knife will do...)then chop it into bite sized chunks.
Put the fruit in a bowl and add the shallots, chili, ginger, scallion and coriander, mix and set aside. Add a pinch of salt to bring out the juice...
In a wok, heat about a tablespoon of oil, and stir fry the shrimp until crispy, and the oil is aromatic. Remove the shrimp with a slotted spoon and drain, then set aside.
Add a further tablespoon of oil, and stir fry the garlic until golden brown. Add the rice, and stir thoroughly. Add the fish sauce and sugar, and continue stirring. When the rice is heated through, add the pineapple mixture and cooked shrimp, and stir until thoroughly heated through.
Pour the mixture into the pineapple shells, garnish and serve.
NOTE: If you prefer fried rice to be darkish brown in colour, then replace half the fish sauce with dark sweet soy sauce.
VARIATION:
Do not cook the fruit mixture. Instead put the fruit mixture and the stir fried rice in the fridge (separately) and chill all the ingredients, then just before serving mix them and put them in the pineapple skins. If you are serving cold then you can also add a few mareschino cherries as garnish. This cold variant makes an excellent
counterpoint to hot curries and spicy chilli dishes on a hot day.
THAI NEWSPAPER NOODLES
Newspaper Noodles are cooked up by street vendors and wrapped in plastic, then newspaper for a portable snack or light meal.
1 T. vegetable oil
1 T. minced garlic
1 bundle (3-4 oz.) fresh soba noodles
1/4 C. bean sprouts
1 tsp. fish sauce
1/2 tsp. pepper
4 oz. roast pork or char siu
1 T. chopped cilantro
1 T. chopped green onion
Heat vegetable oil, then stir in garlic and fry over medium heat until light brown. Remove from heat.
Bring a pot of water to a boil. Add noodles and cook 30 seconds, then add bean sprouts. Cook a few seconds to blanch sprouts, then remove from heat and drain. Toss with garlic and oil mixture, fish sauce and pepper. Top with pork, cilantro and green onion.
Wrap tightly while warm in plastic wrap or a banana leaf, forming a triangular shape. Then wrap in newspaper to make a portable bundle. Serves 1.
Note: Cooked crabmeat or shrimp may be substituted for the pork.
Approximate nutritional analysis, per half cup serving: 550 calories, 23 g total fat, 4 g saturated fat, 110 mg cholesterol, 410 mg sodium, 43 g carbohydrate, 46 g protein
THAI ASPARAGUS WITH CHINESE MUSHROOMS AND OYSTER SAUCE
500g (1 lb.) asparagus
50g (1 C.) dried straw mushrooms
4 cloves garlic, crushed
60ml (4 T.) oyster sauce
2 chile peppers
50ml (3 T.) oil
Soak mushrooms in warm water for 15 minutes. Carefully squeeze out water and remove stems.
Trim stems from asparagus. Steam for 1 minute.
Stir fry garlic in oil for 1 minute, then add mushrooms for an additional minute. Add asparagus, oyster sauce and chili peppers. Stir fry for 3 minutes.
RED THAI CURRY (Gaeng Peht Gai)
2 (14 oz.) cans coconut milk, unshaken
2 tsp. to 1 T. red curry paste, or to taste
1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken*, cut into chunks
1 small onion, cut into chunks
3 T. fish sauce
2 T. palm sugar or light brown sugar
Ginger (optional)**
Garlic (optional)**
Lemon grass (optional)**
Bamboo Shoots (optional)***
Eggplant (optional)***
Potato (optional)***
Sweet potato (optional)***
Green beans (optional)***
1/4 C. fresh basil leaves (garnish)
Fresh lime juice (garnish)
Jasmine or sticky rice
Carefully open cans of coconut milk, spoon thick coconut cream from top and put into wok, frying pan or medium saucepan. Heat over medium-high heat until bubbly. Add curry paste and stir-fry 2 to 3 minutes or until an oily sheen comes to the surface. Optional additions: If adding garlic, ginger, and lemon grass to enhance the curry, add with curry paste.
Add chicken, stir to coat with curry paste, and fry 2 minutes over medium-high heat. Add remaining coconut milk from cans, along with onion. Optional additions: If adding other vegetables, add with coconut milk.
Simmer gently 15 minutes or until chicken and onion are cooked. Add fish sauce and palm sugar and stir until sugar is dissolved.
Stir in fresh basil leaves and lime juice to taste. Serve with jasmine rice or sticky rice. Yields 4 servings.
* To substitute for chicken use: 1 pound shrimp, peeled and deveined, or 1 pound pork or beef, cut into thin slices; or 1 pound firm white fish, cut into serving-size pieces.
** Add one or more of the following herbs to curry paste and stir-fry: 2 cloves garlic, crushed; 2 slices ginger, crushed; 1 stalk lemon grass, peeled and sliced diagonally, using lower third of stalk only. Remove whole spices before serving.
*** Add one or more vegetables to curry with coconut milk just before simmering: One 8-ounce can drained, sliced bamboo shoots; 1 small eggplant, diced; one potato or sweet potato, parboiled and cut into chunks; fresh green beans.
A few prawn recipes
PRAWN TUNA MANGO CURRY
Dried Prawns -50 gm
Dried tuna powder 25 gms
mango 1/2
mustard 1 tsp
cummin seeds 1 tsp
fennel 1 tsp
chilli powder 2 tsp
turmeric powder 1/4 tsp
tamarind solution 150 ml
coriander powder 1 tsp
salt to taste
curry leaves 2 sprigs
coriander leaves 1 bunch
onion 200 gm
tomato 50 gms
ginger garlic paste 40 gm
coconut oil 150 ml
coconut milk 100 ml
Clean the prawns .
Pour oil into the pan with slim flames and mix mustard and cummin seeds and allow it to crackle.
Add with this chopped onion, chilli powder, turmeric powder, fennel powder, ginger garlic paste, curry leaves and heat further.
Now add with this, tomato pieces and after few mins add the tamarind solution and let it boil for some time.
Add water if need be. When it is boiling well, add into it the mango pieces and cleaned prawn and dried tuna powder boil it a little more.
Add the coconut milk and sprinkle in it the coriander leaves and keep it covered.
After some time add some salt and lay it down and sprinkle with some coriander leaves and serve.
PS: This was one of the dishes I had on Sunday;))
GARLIC SHRIMP
Ing:
large shrimp tail on and peeled and deveined
3 cloves
chopped garlic
1 oz brandy
4 oz dry white wine
juice of one lemon
3 tab oil
2 tab butter
1 tsp white flour
salt and white pepper
Method:
Marinade the prawns overnight in a mixture of wine lemon juice, chopped garlic and one tab oil and salt and white pepper. Heat a non stick pan with 2 tab of butter and 2 tab of oil and saute the shrimp for a min. Add the 2 ounces if brandy and flambe. Add the marinade and sprinle with one tsp of flour and stir cook for 2 mins. and serve on a bed of boiled rice and reduce the juices to a medium sauce and add to shrimp and rice
This one is for the more adventurous types. You will like it:)
PRAWN CHAMBAL
dried prawns 50 gm
coconut scraps 25 gm
chilli powder 1 tsp
green chillies 4 slit
chilly flakes 2 tsp
lemon 1 1/2
lemon leaves a few
coconut milk 50 ml
ginger julienned 10 gms
garam masala
fried curry leaves
salt to taste
Clean the dried prawns and fry them in oil and keep aside. Add to it the coconut scraps and fried curry leaves and green chillies, lemon leaves, and julienned ginger, red chilli powder and coconut milk and masala and mix well and serve garnished with sliced lemon.
PRAWN-YAM KOFTAS
Ingredients:
For the gravy:
4 tsp oil, 1/2 tsp cummin seeds, 1 bay leaf, 1 tsp chilly powder, 1tsp coriander cummin powder, 1/2 tsp turmeric powder, 1 tsp ginger paste, 200 ml tom puree, 1/2 cup shelled green peas, 1/4 tsp sugar, salt to taste and 1 1/2 cups water.
For the koftas:
200 gm yam, 1/2 cup shelled and deveined prawn, 1 cup oil, 1 tsp shilli powder, 1 1/2 tsp amchur powder, 1/2 tsp cummin powder, 1 tsp garam masala, salt to taste and 1/2 cup flour.
For the garnishing:
1/4 cup finely chopped coriander leaves, 1 tab butter or 5 gm grated cheese.
METHOD;
To prepare the gravy:
Heat the oil and season with cummin seeds and bay leaf and when the seeds splutter add the chilli powder coriander-cummin powder the turmeri ginger paste tom puree and a handful of green peas. fry well and add sugar and salt. keep stirring on medium heat till the oil floats and add 1 1/2 cup water and cover the pan with a lid and let the gravy come to a boil and let it simmt for 3 min. and pour in a serving bowl.
To prepare the koftas:
Boil peel and mash the yam. cut the prawns into pieces and heat 2 tsp of oil in a pan and add the prawns and fry on low heat till done and pink in color. rmove the prawns from the oil and add to the mashed yam. add chilli powder , amchur cummin powder, GM and salt to taste. mix well. Add enough water to the flour and mix to a smooth paste. divide the yam balls into small portions and roll into balls. dip them in the flour paste and deep fry in the hot oil till done and crisp.
Add the koftas ti the gravy just before serving. Garnish with chopped coriander and butter or grated cheese and serve with naan or rice. For a veggie variation substitute the prawn with roasted or fried groundnuts or desiccated coconut.
ZAFFARANI JHINGA
Ingredients
Prawns 1kg, mustard oil 15 ml, GG paste 50 grams, cream 50 ml, grated cheese 20 grams, egg yolks 2, saffron 3 grams, cardamom powder 3 grams, coriander root, green chilly and garlic paste 30 grams, kasoori methi powder 1 tbsp, black salt powder 1 tbsp, curd 250 grams, lime 3 nos, salt to taste.
Method
Marinate prawns in GG paste, lime and salt for 2 hrs.Keep in fridge. Make a marinade of mustard oil, grated cheese, saffron soaked in warm milk, cardamom powder, coriander stalk with chilli garlic paste, kasoori methi powder, black salt and dry ginger powder, cumin powder, hung curd and egg yolk. Beat into smooth batter and marinate the prawns in it for another 3 hrs. cook in the grill on skewers along with onion capsicum and tomatoes. serve hot with salad cucumber mint dal and naan.
PS: These recipes were collected a few years ago and is part of my humongous collection of recipes, there may be a lot of mistakes so kindly bear with me:)
Tips on selecting the sex of your baby
Ok this is sensational stuff. I came across the paper containing directions to select the sex of the baby while rummaging through my cup board last night. Who gave it to me or when, I don’t remember. However there is a caveat, the following indications are not surefire means for selecting the sex of the baby.
To beget a female child:
• Intercourse should cease 2 or 3 days before ovulation, because the more alkaline secretions of the cervix at the time of the ovulation would favour the Y sperms.
• Intercourse should be immediately preceded by an acid douche of the vagina (1 tab of white vinegar in one litre of water), as the acid environment immobilizes the androsperms.
• Not too deep penetration of the penis into the vagina at the time of ejaculation is recommended, so that the sperms are more exposed to the acid environment of the vagina.
• A low sperm count increases the possibility of female offsprings, therefore frequent intercourses prior to the final one, 2 or 3 days before ovulation may help. In fact the number of sperms decreases when the ejaculations are frequent.
On the contrary, in order to have a male child:
• Sexual intercourse should be timed as close as possible to the time of ovulation.
• Before intercourse the vagina should be washed with a solution of bicarbonate of soda (2 tab in one litre of water).
• Deep penetration of the penis at the time of ejaculation may help.
• Sexual abstinence is necessary from the beginning of the monthly cycle till ovulation.
PS: This isn’t authentic information as per allopathy so this isn’t a professional piece of advise nonetheless worth trying.
Facts about the tricolour
I was having a wonderful lunch of Prawn chili fry, Coastal fish curry, dried prawn and tuna mango curry, rice and rasam. Great huh? As I was eating, I noticed a paper bag that was used to pack groceries. I undid the paper bag I saw it was the Sunday, August the14th 2004 edition of The Hindu.
The article under the section “Spotlight” has a heading that says: The Flag Town. It goes on to describe the place where the tricolour takes shape for the whole of India.
Excerpts of which I could read properly and are not exactly in order as in the original print nor are some of the words. I have adapted and abridged them as I couldn’t read some of them properly. The original ones are italicized.
The khadi unit which is part of the Hubli based Karnataka Khadi Gramodyoga Samyukta Sangha (KKGSS) which has been certified as the sole institution to supply national flags for the entire country by the Khadi and Village Industries Commission (KVIC) and in conformation with the standards laid down by the Bureau of Indian Standards (BIS).
A work force of just 16 of the required 60 cater to the needs of the country and only they are entitled to make the national flag for the country: right from the President to the embassies, to government offices and the common man. They are paid under 1500 Rupees per month.
The cloth has been carefully spun and woven by the KKGSS’ own units in Bagalkot. Next it is dyed in the required colours (the cloth is divided into three lots: one for each colour). The cloth is brought to the Hubli unit and cut into required shapes. The chakra is printed on the white cloth. Finally the three pieces are stitched together, then ironed and packed.
There are strict standards to be adhered to. First, there are nine standard sizes to which our flag is made (each with a special purpose for which only it may be used). The colours have to be of the exact shade specified by the KVIC and BIS. Both saffron and green have to be of the equal length and breadth. The length and width of the entire flag should be in the ratio 2:3. The charka should contain 24 equally spaced spokes. The charka should be printed on both sides; the position of both should be synchronized. There should a four-thread stitch in each centimeter of the cloth. The flag edge(for rod insertion) has stipulated dimensions. Any defects in the manufacture of flags, such as colour, size and thread count are considered a serious offence and are liable for fine or imprisonment or both as per the provisions of the Flag Code of India 2002. Only hand spun and handwoven cloth can be used for the National flag.
Today KKGSS churns out 5,000 flags per month and in six months time, plans to make it 5,000 per day. Since the recent Supreme Court order, which permitted private citizens too to fly the national tricolour, demand has increased.A Tamil Verse
Hi folks and chums this is my second tamil verse ever. The first one is too gross:)))))) so I shall take the liberty of posting only this which I just struck up. No brickbats please;))))))
doc
Marupadiyum Yemaandhuvitaayey
----------------------------------------
aey penney!
nee yedharkkaaga pirandhaai?
maanidanaal unakku yevvalavu innalgal,
unnai pandamaatru porulaagavey ninaikkiraargal
nalla yosithu paar,
netru dhaaney kaadhalar dhinam,
oruvan unakku oru arpa malar chendai koduthu
un vilai madhipillaa idhayathai keyttaan!
doc
APJ
I do have a lot of desires in me, though I am not a very ambitious person. A lot of whims and fancies too. But the single most burning desire or if I could say a privilege and an unparalleled joy, if it turns out to really happen, would be is to :
"Meet the doyen of Indian rocketry and missile man, our own President, the Hon'ble Dr APJ Kalam and spend an entire day with him."
I know it is a far fetched fancy, but I could settle for atleast a few minutes and a snap with him. The man, I admire the most apart ofcourse my Dad is him, India's most distinguished living technocrat.
I had been following the press quite closely during the Pokhran nuclear testing and had read a lot about him, but it was only recently about a few months ago that I happened to read two books authored by him. "Ignited minds" and his autobiography along with Arun Tiwari rightly named "Wings of fire."
Note: This is not a review of the books.
The books are typically "all-Kalam" in feel, and his autobiography apart from showing a few glimpses of his early life with his parents in the temple town of Rameshwaram, also speaks about his career right from his days with Hindustan Aeronatics Limited, Bangalore to being the director of the Integrated Guided Missile Development Programme (IGMDP) at the DRDL in Hyderabad which saw him realise his cherished dream of launching the Agni missile.
How the warm and intensely personal religious person became to be one who could make state of the art technology for the battle field is something of an enigma. Reading his autobiography one cannot but marvel at the humble man whose was born of religious parents in a small town.
"His personal story is a valuable document that Indians can be world beaters with no foreign training or degree and for this upbeat message alone his autobiography is worth a 100 management tomes" wrote Anand Parthasarathy in the Hindu 5 years ago and every written word is worth its weight in gold.
These two books by APJ has something that everybody can extract from them and is definitely worthy of being dubbed as "compulsory reading"
His story--the story of a small boat owner Jainulabdeen who lived for over a hundred years on Mosque Street in Rameshwaram island and died there; the story of a lad who sold newspapers to help his brother; the story of a brother who had to mortgage his sister Zohara's jewels to get him into engineering college; the story of an engineer spotted by Prof MGK Menon and groomed by the legendary Prof. Vikram Sarabhai; the story of a scientist tested by failures and setbacks; the story of a leader supported by a team of brilliant and dedicated professionals.
The book reiterates his skill as a leader of men and how he coped with the failures in life and also offers insights into his personal life as to why he became a vegetarian and the like. He couldnt afford to buy meat--that is the reason.
He tells us about how he felt when the Indian press ridiculed the failed attempts at launching his dream missile, the Agni. "Cartoonist Suhir Dar sketched a shopkeeper returning a product the salesman saying that like Agni it would not take off. ANother cartoonist showed one scientist explaining that the launch (of the Agni) was postponed because the press button did not make contact. The Hindustan Times showed a leader consoling press reporters, "There is no need for alarm...it's a purely non-violent missile."
The book also brings out his keen observation of people and in one such case writes about TN Seshan the fire breathing former Chief Election Commisioner of India: "Seshan is a person who enjoys verbally bringing his adversaries to their knees. Using his sharp edged humour, Seshan would make his opponents look ridiculous. Although he is prone to be loud and can turn argumentative on occasions, in the end he would always ensure maximization of all available resources towards a solution that was within implementation."
He has rightly been termed as the great 'welder of people' and it is common knowledge that wherever he goes he doesnt as much meet politicians and the beaurocracy as much as he meets children and urges them to "dream". Dream of a better future for India.
I was really moved on reading the following lines from his autobiography. These reflect the selfless, patriotic man who sacrificed personal pleasures to seek pleasure in science, in innovation, in patriotism.
He writes:
This story will end with me, for I have no inheritance in the worldly sense. I have acquired nothing, built nothing, possess nothing--no family, sons, daughters.
I am a well in this great land
Looking at its millions of boys and girls
To draw from me
The inexhaustible divinity
And spread His grace everywhere
As does the water drawn from a well.
I do not wish to set myself as an example to others, but I believe that a few souls may draw inspiration and come to balance that ultimate satisfaction which can only be found in the life spirit. God's providence is your inheritance.
I reflect on this great soul and feel privileged to be living during his time when he is the First Citizen of our great Motherland. What better example of national integration can be there when we have a Muslim, who was mentored by his teachers Mr Subramania Iyer and Rev. Ayyadurai Solomon, as the guiding beacon of light!
May God Bless him with a healthy and long life.
Something fishy
Two guys, called Joe and Dean, were fishermen. Every day, before dawn, they set out to sea with their crews, coming home late in the evening with their catches of fish.
Now, there was one particular area where they would cast their nets, because of a particular type of fish which was to be found there. This was a mutant type of fish which had no hearing apparatus.
These rare fish fetched a high price from the local marine biologists who liked to study them. Now, the area where Joe and Dean caught these fish was very difficult to reach, and involved long hours of sailing through treacherous waters, which Joe didn't like at all.
Well, one week, Joe didn't turn up for work at all, and when one of his crew went to Joe's house to find out what was wrong, Joe said, "I don't know what's wrong with
me. I'm feeling really tired and lethargic. I have no energy at all."
"Don't worry," said the crewman, "Dean has been putting all his catch of those mutant fish through as yours, so you will still have some money to pay our wages this week."
"Oh, no," said Joe. "That means that I will have to get over this feeling of exhaustion and go out to that awful bit of the sea next week, and all because ---I OWE DEAN DEAF FISH IN SEA." (Iodine deficiency)
While we are on fishes, have you heard about the Candiru?
Candiru: A tiny catfish of the Amazon basin that pisses people off.
(Note: The candiru is the fish to swim against a urine stream...)
The candiru, also called the carnero fish, is a tiny parasitic catfish that inhabits the waters of South America. They can reach lengths of 1-2.5 in (2.5-6 cm) with a width of 3.5 mm. Their diminutive size and nearly transparent body makes them very hard to locate (not that you would want to).
When candirus parasitize humans, it is usually only when they are skinny-dipping while urinating in the water. The candiru tastes the urine stream and follows it back to the human. It then swims up the anus and lodges itself somewhere in the urinary tract with its spines. Blood is drawn, and the candiru gorges itself on both the blood and body tissue, its body sometimes expanding due to the amount of blood. This is all said to be very painful for the poor person who has this happen to him or her. Unfortunately, they are almost impossible to remove due to the spines. Amputation of the private areas is the cheapest, and most life-changing, way to remove the fish. Actual surgery is extremely expensive and involves inserting the Xagua plant and the Buitach apple up the urethra. These two plants kill and even dissolve the parasitic fish. If surgery is not done in time, the blockage of the urinary tract will prove fatal. The candiru is the only known vertebrate to parasitize humans.
"A Short History of Medicine"
I have an earache:
2000 B.C. -Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. -That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. -That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. -That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. -That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. -That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
Q: how do you tell the sex of chromosome?
A: Pull down it's genes
Life is a sexually transmitted disease;)))
What men do when they split with gf/spouse
A lissome femme once asked me, 'the enlightened one', as to what men do when they split, apart from getting bladdered and sulking. Do they talk about it to ‘other males’? Well dear madamoiselle there is a whole lot of things we guys do! I am talking about the majority of the ‘males’ and then there are the effeminate chaps about whom the less the said the better. LOL.
Balls have brains ;)))
In the immediate post-split phase they might get banjaxed if he is a drinker, but then how long can he afford to do it? He definitely wont talk about it to other males simply coz his ego wont permit to so and what if the ‘other male’ gets judgmental and views him as a ‘lesser’ male incapable of protecting his ‘bird’. Remember that males evolved from the hunter and the protector and sustainer of the cave?
He might also think: “What if the ‘other male’ might view this as a chink in the armour and decide to hit on ‘his’ femme. Do you need to be reminded that most males follow the ‘dog in the manger’ policy? LOL.
He never analyses what went wrong in the relationship coz he already ‘knows’ that the blunder is squarely on the femme and he was such a fool to get entangled in that relationship and he rues his misfortune and vows to never to get hitched with ‘that’ sort of femme again. It is an oath ;)) ”An emotional man can lash like a reptile; an emotional femme prefers to ‘talk it out’
He might take up to pumping iron in the gym and fine tune his beyond-the-point-of-no-return-belly or go for a tour of the country to sort things out mentally or he becomes a workaholic and his manager has all praises for this efficient young man;))
If a woman is unhappy in her relationships she cant concentrate on her work, if a man is unhappy at work he cant concentrate on his relationship that is the basics of relationships and work.
The initial phase overcome, our man ‘moves’ (forgive the cliché) on thinking that there are a whole bevy of women waiting in line to meet and court him. Isn’t he a MALE after all, even if he needs to ‘support’ himself with Cialis? He resolves to teach his femme/gf a lesson which she will not forget and make her understand that she isn’t indispensable to him as she otherwise thought. The Bitch!
He will never talk it out or seek professional help coz that undermines his very existence and testy (in short for testosterone) never allows him to do so coz males cant be ‘directed’. Do you now get to know why Moses spent 40yrs wandering in the desert—he refused to ask for directions.
Girls want relationships and co-operation while boys want power and status. While men have side by side friendships based on things and achievement, women have face to face friendships based on emotional sharing. That’s why women’s arguments can be so hurtful--they know more personal details about each other and have more ammo to hurl.
Males usually think they can find a better mate in the future after a split, that they find themselves in the same quandary is another matter! Socio-biology tells us that 80% of all human societies were polygamous, mainly for survival reasons. Some men think monogamy is what furniture is made out of
In polygamous species, unlike the monogamous ones like eagles. Foxes and geese, the males are usually bigger and more colourful, more aggressive and have minimal parenting involvement. The males of polygamous animals mature sexually much later than the femmes of the species so that competitive conflicts are avoided between older males and younger, inexperienced males who are less likely to survive a fight.
Human males fit the specifications of polygamous species (except colourful;)) and it is no wonder that men have a constant battle to stay monogamous. So if a hubby/wife relationship isnt to be broken, great sex plays an important and primordial role. Why don’t femmes take the cue from here ;)))
How to satisfy a woman every time:
Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, massage, fix things, empathise, serenade, compliment, support, feed, soother, tantalize, humour, placate, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, ignore fat bits, cuddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, anticipate, smooch, nuzzle, forgive, accessorize, entertain, charm, acrry for, oblige, fascinate, attend to, trust, defend, clothe, brag about, sanctify, acknowledge, spoil, embrace, die for, dream, dream of, tease, gratify, squeeze, indulge, idolize, worship
How to satisfy a MAN every time:
Arrive Naked
So, do the things above and keep your man/woman to yourselves and who do you think can do it easier? ;)))))
PS: the ones italicized aren’t original :)
Handling women
The recent spate of blogs which "advised" women about how to carry themselves after a split with a friend/spouse got me thinking a wee bit, something that I dont do very often;) Agreed that a split is a predicament, but let me express a few "professional" thoughts.
First of all no one is indispensable in this wonderful world. It is a hard fact which most might be shocked to hear more so with the optimists, and NO, I am not a pessimist.
Dont we as adults know how to move on with the loss of a dear one though we cannot get over the loss? How we move on and what we do to move on is still one of the inexplicable things, and each is an individualistic experience and men and women handle it in different ways, simply because they are wired differently not for the better nor for the worse.
It has been proven scientifically that men and women use different "pathways" of communication and we would do well to understand the basic gender differences and each others shortcomings thereof and learn to accept them to improve our quality of relationships. We can do nothing to change the innate qualities of the sexes but just understand the differences and to be able to move on to a common platform of understanding and love.
If you are going to ask me how are they wired differently, I shall have to tell you a basic anatomical fact that the "corpus callosum" that connects the left side of the brain to the right is much more developed and well connected in the female rather than the male, and this helps the femmes multitrack many things simultaneously when the male finds himself totally at a loss.
How many times a male has asked the tv vloume to be reduced while speaking on the phone? Any number of times, but a femme can handle this with ease.
Oestrogen enhances articulation and fine motor skills, though it depresses a woman's spatial ability. Men have brains that are highly compartmentalised and they can store away information and also possess the ability to separate, coz a man's monotracking brain can file them all away. The femme brain does not store info this way but she needs to get rid of her problems by talking about them and when a woman talks at the end of a day, her objective is to discharge the problems and not to find conclusions or solutions. So when the man listens (even that he wont be able to) he finds her "nagging".
Women dont use language as only just a tool to communicate, unlike the men, but also use it to bond and create a rapport. Men mainly talk inside their heads because they dont have the verbal capacity that women have to use words externally for communication.
Men can sit with each other in a meeting for long periods of time with little speech and no one feels uneasy about it---its just like fishing!. Men often enjoy a quiet drink after work and thats exactly what it is--quiet. A woman will verbalise a series of items out loud in random order, listing possiblities and options, this is her way of thinking aloud. This is one of the reasons why men accuse women of talking too much and that too trivial matters.
With greater flow of info between both the hemispheres of the brain, women can talk about several subjects simultaneously in a single sentence. It is like juggling 3-4 balls at the one time and they do it effortlessly without dropping them. At the end of the conversation each woman knows something about the several subjects being discussed, the events that took place and the meaning of each. This multi tracking ability is frustrating for a man as the male brain is mono tracked and can only handle one subject at a time.
When women are multi tracking several subjects, men are completely dazed and confused. Take this family conversation for eg.
Allan: Now, wait a minute--who said what to whom at the office?
Barbara: I wasnt talking about the office--I was talking about my BIL
Allan: Your BIL? You dint tell me that you changed the subject!
Barbara: Well you have to pay closer attention. Everyone else understands.
Fiona(sister): Yes I knew what she meant. Its perfectly clear to me.
Jasmine(daughter) So did I dad, your so dumb, you never follow anything!
Allan: I give up with you women.
Cameron(son): Yeah me too, and I am only a kid!
If a woman is talking to you a lot, she likes you. If she isnt, then you are in trouble. Men take an average of nine mins to understand that he is being punished by the woman by keeping silent and until that mark is reached he sees her silence as a bonus--he's getting some "peace and quiet!"
And it is a well known fact that women are indirect as opposed to men and women talk emotively while men are literal. So my dear pals, I keep going on and on, partly due to personal experience and mostly coz of professional experience;)
The basic and THE problematic thing in splits with pals/bf/gf/spouse is lack of communication. This stems from the fact that each of us, expect the other to behave like ourselves whereas the genders are wired differently. Learn to recognise each other's short comings and talk on a common level and for heaven's sake dont assume.
More later if any one is interested;)
PS: Some sentences(like the dialogue) have been excerpted from the book : Why Men dont listen and women cant read maps by Allan and Barbara Pease. A must read for all people, simple, humourous, understandable and more than all it contains facts.
Zits--a remedy!
Pongal brings to my mind a weird and funny incident and the other day GB aka 'yabba' Gayathri mentioned the word "puraa" (pigeon) and I couldnt help myself ROTFL, a la SSM style.
Setting: My "thalai Pongal" (first Pongal after marriage)
Year: 2000
Situation: my grandparents' home in a village near the South Indian port city of Tuticorin.
Okay, now many of you would be wondering what I was doing in my grandparents place for the thalai Pongal instead of going to my in-laws house in Erode. Well I for one dont believe in going to my in-laws at the drop of the hat for every celebration not that I didnt like them but coz I shunned the various small rituals that the new bridegroom has to perform and have heard enough incidents where the groom has botched enough to make him a look alike of Senthil or Koundamani!
There was another important reason why we dint celebrate Pongal that year because dad dearest had just passed away on Dec 6th 1999. Though
being an agriculural family, my grandparents house wore a very solemn
look sans any festive decoration while the whole village was pulsating
and wild with excitement as is usual of rural India.
My marriage, about 50 days earlier, was a low key affair and not many in the village knew that I was married. The winter, if you can call it so in the dry arid regions of Southern Tamilnadu, was just over and the sun was beating down harshly on the brown landscape and the heat and sweat brought a few of those ubiquitous pimples on my boyish face...ahaaan;)
I was too bored that evening and decided to go to the huge, old village temple and sit on the steps of the 'theppam', the temple pond, to ogle at the village belle who were fetching water. Hmmm. (some people never change;) My wife did not accompany me as she stayed back with my mom who was shattered by the loss of dad and was crying most of the day thinking of old times.
Till date come any festival and mom is so very depressed and is teary the whole day. I do understand her torment. Poor she. Not that I am not reminded of old times but atleast I am able to divert attention, but she finds herself hapless. Ok that is way beyond the point and if you would permit me to use a hack expression, "I digress."
I was sitting alone and presently a village youth came along and we struck up a conversation and he was mighty impressed that I was a physician. He was extolling the virtues of traditional medicine and I was having quite a tough time refuting it.
He had noticed the couple of zits on my face and asked me slyly if allopathy had a cure for it. I invoked all my acquired knowledge of the subject and said YES. Dont we treat acne with isotretinoin and antibiotics? Well, he had a different idea. Smugly he said he knew a sure-fire method to get rid of them.
"What is that?" I query him.
He: "Lady's "puraa" edhuthu mugathuley theycha seriyaa poidum."
I loosely translated that as "rub a female pigeon on the face" coz "puraa" in Tamil means pigeon.
Now. what the hell? How do you identify a femme pigeon and why rub that
feathery creature on your face?
I: "Enlighten me sir"
He: "Puraa edukkanum, aana andha lady ku theriyakoodaadhu" (take the pigeon, but without the lady knowing)
Riddle after riddle. So now I had to go around looking for a "puraa" owned by a lady!
I: "puraavai pudikkaradhu avlo kastama?" ( is it very difficult to catch a pigeon?")
He: "kashtam illey, yaaraavadhu paarthaanganna thappa ninaippaanga"(not very hard, but if someone sees you they might think bad of you)
Now why would some one have to think bad about a crazy doc who is chasing pigeons in a hamlet, though I would have made a spectacle of
myself!
Wonderful opportunity to beat the boredom and to try out an indigenous
medicine, I thought. But I needed help, so I told him that I might enlist the help of a few village boys in my "puraa" adventure.
He: "illey saar neenga mattum dhaan poyi adhai edukkanum" (only you should go and take it)
Wait. Was I missing something? Wasnt I supposed to 'catch' the puraa? But he is talking of me taking it as if it were lying dead! Again I ask him for enlightenment.
He: "adhaan saar, ladies ullaara poduvaaangaley? adhu" ( you know the thingie that the ladies wear inside)
I: "BRA sollureengala?" (do you mean a BRA)
H: "Aaama saar" (yes sir)
I was literally laughing my arse off.
Holy shit. He meant BRA and was prounouncing that as 'puraa' the tamil
equivalent of pigeon!!! ( you dont expect an uneducated man to pronounce better than that)
I really am flummoxed by this gentleman whose good intention was to teach me a cure for the pimples, but I still dont understand the logic of rubbing a woman's brassiere on my face and that too the wonderful garment had to be procured without the knowledge of the owner. How is that for a remedy?
I actually wanted to ask him the size of the 'puraa' which effects the best cure, but refrained, to avoid hurting his sentiments coz he was visibly disturbed when I couldnt control my peals of laughter.
What if femmes had acne? Yucks. Unimaginable. What would he have recommended for the few zits on my butt? :)))) Think of the sorry state of the femme whose bra I decided to flick! Won't her delicate heart be broken to find that her single device of "upliftment" has been looted? Why would a newly married bloke run around for a piece of lingerie item to rub his face on when he has better things to ......cut cut cut...;))))
Then I told him I was married. He was shocked and asked, "Even after
marriage do you get those?" I seriously didnt understand what he meant.
I then went back home and narrated the incident to my wife. Since then
she has been watching me whenever I go into the bathroom and the
neighbours too havent complained of any missing "stuff" from their
wardrobes! What with many femmes having a "wardrobe malfunction" these days:)))))
In case any of you are having thoughts in your mind, I dont have them
zits now and NO, I dont have a bra fetish.
PS: The above incident is a true one:) and isnt a figment of my fertile imagination:))))))
Role of Elders and Parents
I would like to discuss the positive role of elders and parents in the shaping of adolescents. I have penned a few of my thoughts for your perusal.
I definitely would not be wrong if I say that home is where principles begin and the children involved in the not-so-pleasant act can very well take the liberty of pointing the finger at their parents for having committed a blunder.
Let me begin with an anecdote.
"I am sorry," she replied, "but I dont have time to join your organisation."
"Are you that busy?"
"As a matter of fact, I belong to another group whose president is my husband and I take care of most of the work. My work does not leave me any free time"
"Really? And what is the purpose of the organisation?"
"Its sphere of activity is very great. It is devoted to the promotion of good values in life and the education of children."
"What is the name of the organisation? I've never heard of it."
"That's quite possible. It is called family."
Adolescence is the effervescent stage where most communications go haywire and most parents find themselves in a quandry.
For a good number of teenagers, parents are old fashioned folks who do not understand anything of their interests and problems. Naturally, because of the generation gap, it is often difficult for parent sto realize that their teenagers are growing up and to stop treating them like kids. it becomes even more difficult to guide them.
One of the most positive signs that an adolescent is growing up is his increasing need to assert his independence and free from adult domination. At times, such self affirmation may take the form of rebellion against authority and set rules, but it is nevertheless an important and necessary step toward growth and maturity.
The teenager expresses himself inaccurately when he demands the freedom to do as he likes. In reality beyond his whims and fancies, he is seeking ture freedom, that freedom which allows him to decide by himself, to choose his actions, to do things on his own accord. This is something beautiful and without such freedom he would become a mechanical person.
While they seek greater independence, boys and girls do not understand why they are changing. They are surprised to see that their reactions are different from what they were before. Some are even worried about this and feel sorry to have lost the security of childhood. as they become more and more aware of the deep changes that are taking place in them, they are taken abcak and are led to close up on themselves: they will not speak to their parents or educators. But this attitude does not help them to solve the problems arising in their lives.
The most effective way of helping them resolve this would be is to encourage parents to keep a close contact with their teenagers and to develop an attitude of dialogue. At this juncture of the teens lives, they need a presence that listens, understands, helps and encourages. They want to be accepted as they are.
Any effort to educate adolescents in their growth to maturity demands that they be not overprotected. On the other hand, there should not be any abdication of authority on the part of the parents that would allow their teenagers to forge a false freedom from mere whims, impulses and instincts.
An authentic growth to maturity demands that the youth relinquish certain childhood securities and accept the risk of making mistakes. It also supposes receptiveness to what obedience requires.
It also requires on the part of parents, the proper balance between allowing ample opportunities for the exercise of independence, initiative and creativity on the one hand, and providing sufficient guidance, inspiration and security on the other. It is by looking at everything that is positive and taking into account the legitimate aspirations of their wards that parents will be better able to discuss and dialogue with them. They can demand, advise and if necessary forbid, once they are sure that they are in agreement with the good side in them.
Correct me if I am wrong and dont forget to add your POV's also.
Kubler-Rossian Concepts
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.
These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassions, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
That was a quote by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, the Swiss born American psychiatrist who later became a pioneer in the field of thanatology, the study of death and dying and was also one of the powerful force behind the movement for creating a hospice care system.
Her influential On Death and Dying mapped out a five-stage framework to explain the experience of dying patients, which progressed through denial, anger, “bargaining for time,” depression, and acceptance.
She identified those stages that a dying patient experiences when informed of their terminal prognosis. Not only does a dying person experience this, but also their loved ones.
Denial (this isn't happening to me!) (this isnt happening to my dad!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?) (why is this happening only to our family?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)(If only there was a way out, I would...)
Depression (I don't care anymore) (not even God can save us from this misery!)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)(what else to do than accept the fate)
These stages not only apply to death but also for grief due to various etiologies and here we shall apply it to one of the scourges of marital life-divorce-to understand the concept in a better way.
Denial
Surely this isn't happening to me. Surely this isn't happening to us. Even if it's happening, it's just a stage. He's left before; he'll come back. She's talked this way before; she doesn't really mean it. Even if he means it, he'll soon realize the error of his ways, and our marriage will survive. Everything's really okay.
Anger
I'm ready to kill her. I want to hire the meanest, ugliest lawyer I can find and take him for all he's worth. I'm ready to go to war, and I'll beat her to a bloody pulp. I want to see him spread-eagle on a rock and watch the buzzards eat his insides out one bite at a time (that was an actual quote, by the way).
Bargaining
Here's what I'm willing to do. Okay, honey, here's a long letter in which I spell out for you how I've changed. See, I'm different. I've solved all the problems you told me needed to be fixed. You can come back now. I know. I'll give him everything. If you'll give it another chance, I'll . . .
Depression
This is the end. I am nothing. I am so small. I don't think I exist any more. I'm ugly. I'm fat. I don't matter. I think I'll just lie here. I'm worthless. Nobody cares if I live or die. I can't go on. There is no "I" left. He's much better off without me. I can see why she's so glad to get rid of me. I hate myself. This is all my fault.
Acceptance
I don't like this, but it's going to happen, and I need to get through it. I'll make it. Our marriage is ending. We're divorcing. I need to let my marriage go. My wife is leaving. My husband and I won't be together any more. We're getting a divorce. I'm ready for my co-workers, my family, and my friends to know that I'm going through a divorce.
Acceptance is difficult, painful, and curiously, often liberating.
There is no joy without hardship. If not for death, would we appreciate life? If not for hate, would we know the ultimate goal is love? …
At these moments you can either hold on to negativity and look for blame, or you can choose to heal and keep on loving. The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.
Death is a great leveller. Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death. Brevity of life is unequivocal and the let us not indulge in "sleep"--the sister of death--but to be awake to listen to the cry of help by our brethren.
Foot fetish
The foot is used as a metaphor in many common sayings. Can you find any that is missed? I know, some people are yelling: "My Foot!" ;))))
Be in step.
Go toe to toe
Get a toe hold.
On your toes.
Toe the line.
Head to toe.
Under foot.
Get cold feet.
Drag one's feet.
Off on the right foot.
Off on the wrong foot.
Dancing with two left feet.
Live on a shoestring budget.
Put one foot in front of the other.
Wait on someone hand and foot.
Hanging on by one's toenails.
A step in the wrong direction.
A step in the right direction.
The shoe is on the other foot.
Stand on your own two feet.
Hold one's feet to the fire.
Shoot oneself in the foot.
Get back on your feet.
One step at a time.
Step on one's toes.
One step ahead.
Break a leg.
Shake a leg.
Step lively.
Step on it.
Step aside.
Step down.
Get a leg up.
Tip toe around.
Fancy footwork.
Hot foot it over to…
Something's afoot.
To think on one's feet.
Head over heels in love.
Footloose and fancy free.
Put your best foot forward.
A walk on the wild side.
To get a foot in the door.
To dig one's heels in.
Swept off one's feet.
Get one's feet wet.
He's a real heel.
Be out of step.
To step on one's toes
To pull someone's leg
Foot in the mouth (Blogger's diesease)
One foot in the grave
Foot the bill
Athletes' feet,
Footsie
Foot Stomping Music
Look before you leap
six feet under
Feet of Clay
fleet footed
Put your feet up
Growing Up
Packing me off to school was probably the biggest hurdle that my parents had to come across each day. It was time to whine and rant everyday in the morning coming up with some excuse or the other, and it ranged from the mundane to the bizarre.
Mundane would be something like pain in the legs and bizarre would be my delusion that I am going to croak in an aeroplane crash into my primary school that day. Somehow I got into my head that these flying objects would someday falldown coz of lack of petrol.
It was the year 1977 when I was chucked into Lower Kindergarten and the tortuous road to acquiring an education that will be a foundation for my career later in life. I tried all the tricks in the book, but then I wasnt going to have it my way.
Finally after much cajoling, with a heavy heart and armed with a double bubble gum (which is my fav pastime to date--chewing the cud) and a box of sweets to be distributed to the fifty odd students of my primary school, I was ferried by dad and was left under the loving care of Mrs. Melda.
My quirky memory doesnt permit me to remember many of my early days at school, but each day when I came home, the first question that I would shoot at my mother is "Eppoma holiday" (when is the next holiday). My mom says,"Naalaikku school mudinju evening veettukku vandha adutha naal holiday." (the day after tomorrow is holiday). The next evening, again the same question posed and the same answer given, until Friday arrives.
Friday evening seems eons away and finally it shows some mercy on me after a gruelling 5 school days and my joy knew no bounds. It is play time again. I take out the tricycle and begin my quota of fun with the cycle. You smart asses used to ride the cycle, but being the genius that I was, I found more fun and pleasure in tumbling the cycle wheel over wheels down a flight of 10 steps outside my house which lead to the orchard.
The tossing-the-cycle-down-the-steps game gets a tad boring after tumbling ten times or if my mom came out and gave me a whack and it was time to 'explore' newer and more exciting games to play. How about irritating my brother? Yea. That sounds funny and it fits the slot of an adventurous game.
Though my parents had christened my brother with a mellifluous name, I had a particular penchant for calling him "pullayaarappan". He sure looked like the elephant God Ganapathi, with a cute rotund belly and chubby face and a lot of tyres in the form of baby fat that he could've modelled for Michelin.
First he too is interested coz it gives him an opportunity to be noticed and irritated upon, but cant stand the onslaught for long and he too decides to pelt me with his toys. I run for my life and find the place behind my mom, who is cooking in the kitchen, quite a safe haven. But no, he is relentless in his pursuits and we run around my mom, when finally she gets weary of this rubbish and whacks both of us with a "murungakkaai"(drumstick).
What a fine choice of vegetable to whip two insolent knaves! The moment it lands on your skin it stings like a thousand bees together, but quite safe and you cant be arrested for MSBP( Munchausen's syndrome by proxy) unlike the poor moms in the UK.
Game abandoned. What next? Ok how about finding some birds nests in the dahlia shrubs. Great idea. As it is evening the bulbuls are coming back to their nests for the night. We allow them to get comfy in the nest and take out a torch light to go and peer for them. The bird flies off on seeing two 'hunters', but hey, the eggs are there. Three ovoid pinkish-whitish, dotted eggs.
It is warm. Kewl. But we need mom's permission to take the nests into the house. So back we go to my mom and beg for the nest's asylum in our home. A vehement NO from my mom indicates that she isnt willing to accomodate the coir-sticks-feather-goo house in the bedroom. Adults, such spoilsports.
Disappointed we demand an explanation as to why. The reason is more than sufficient to leave the bird's palace alone. Now what is the reason? Here it goes: The bird might take revenge on us and "nondify our kannu" (dig out our eyeballs) at night while we are asleep. Sounds spooky. My brother is already having goose pimples. Hell with the bird. Who wants that stinky piece of bird shit.
Now where is the carrom-board. Yessssss. We pester my mom to yank it out from under the cot and place it in the living room and begin our game eager-beaver like. Not even half way through and my brother is cheating. this warrants some swift action and I fling a few pieces of those "carrom coins" and after a while all the pieces are strewn all over the place and this earns me the second whack of the evening. Did that pain? Huh? You should be kidding me! How can it pain for a real man?
My mom yells from the kitchen,"Innikku unakku school-la solli koduthadha, thambikku solli kodu." (teach your bro, what they taught you at school today). Wow, an opportunity to have a one-upmanship and show him his proper place in the hierarchy of education.
"Madaya unakku seriya solla theriyaadha?" I admonish him if he isnt on track. This is wonderful, I am loving every part of it, and whatever words the ma'am scolded me with earlier in the day, I take this God sent opportunity to use it on him. He isnt satisfied with a grumpy teacher and says that he has enough of the crap. But no. I am in no mood to let go. How often are you given the liberty to whack him with a plastic scale if he is wrong?
Nutrition and Mental performance
In the 18th Century, many sailors on long journeys died from scurvy: indeed some battleships lost more men through illness than through enemy action. The cause of this was not understood, until it was discovered that adding fresh limes to the ship’s supply of preserved food seemed to boost the sailor’s resistance to the illness, and fewer died. The existence of parts of food essential for survival had been discovered.
Vitamins were discovered through the effect of their absence on people’s health, and increasingly the role of nutrition’s contribution to health was seen as equally important as exercise, hygiene, lifestyle issues, environment, and psychological wellbeing.
Increasing number of diseases are influenced by life style, the so called "diseases of civilisation". Nutritionists ascribe this to excess of refined carbohydrates, decreasing levels of exercise, fewer vegetables and fruit and the wrong type of fats in our diet. Fast food restaurants have brought about the diseases of civilisation.
A reaction to this has been the development of a slow food. The Slow Food movement preserves an eco-region's cuisine and the associated food plants and seeds, domestic animals, and farming methods of that region. It was begun by Carlo Petrini in Italy as a resistance movement to fast food but has expanded globally to many countries and now has a large membership.
It now describes itself as an eco-gastronomy faction within the ecology movement, and some consider it also the culinary wing of the anti-globalization movement. It announced the opening of a new University of Food at Pollenzo, in Piedmont, Italy in 2004. Carlo Petrini and Massimo Montanari are leading figures in the setting up of the University, whose goal is to promote awareness of good food and nutrition.
Nutrition can affect health in many ways. Ill-health can be brought about by an imbalance of nutrients, producing either an excess or deficiency which in turn affects body functioning in a cumulative manner. The body can be affected at the micro or macro levels by nutrition.
One such nutrient that has excited interests are the EFA's (essential fatty acids): the omega-3 and the omega-6 fatty acids. Of more interest is the omega-3 acid though both are expected to be in the ratio of 1:1.
Although the word 'fat' has some negative connotation, fats play a vital role in the body. The outer walls of all cells in the body are made of fatty substances. In the brain and nervous system the fatty wall is called myelin. Myelination is a crucial stage in the development of the brain in early life.
Omega-3 seems to help regulate the body's blood sugar levels, which helps keep hunger at bay. In the long term, it is believed that a diet rich in Omega-3 might lower the risk of diabetes and obesity.
The primary sources of omega-6 are corn, soy, canola, safflower and sunflower oil; these oils are overabundant in the typical diet, which explains our excess omega-6 levels.
Omega-3, meanwhile, is typically found in flaxseed oil, walnut oil, and fish
* Flax oil (linseed oil) - the richest natural source
* Flax seeds
* Hemp oil (best balance of omega 6:3)
* Rapeseed oil
* Pumpkin seeds
* Soybean oil (richer in omega 6)
* Walnut oil (richer in omega 6)
* Walnuts
* Oily fish
Several recent studies have shown that the incidence of depression in the population is correlated with a lack of fish in the diet and specifically with a lack of omega-3 fatty acids. Studies have also shown that fatty acid supplements can improve behaviour both in children with ADHD (attention-deficit-hyperactivity disorder) and related disorders and in adults with behaviour problems.
The other problems that could be associated with poor intake of omega-3 fatty acids seem to be: Dry skin, Dandruff, Frequent urination, Irritability, Attention deficit, Soft nails, Alligator skin, Allergies, Lowered immunity, Weakness, Fatigue, Dry unmanageable hair, Excessive thirst, Brittle, easily frayed nails, Hyperactivity, "Chicken skin" on backs of arms, Dry eyes, Learning problems, Poor wound healing, Frequent infections, Patches of pale skin on cheeks, Cracked skin on heels or fingertips.
When the importance of unsaturated fatty acids was first recognised it was in the context of reducing cholesterol levels and hence the risk of heart disease. This is still valid but it now seems they may have a wider significance since they affect the mental performance and behaviour.
Light, air and heat destroy EFAs, so processing and packaging methods are extremely important. Ideally, when buying oils, choose mechanically processed oils in opaque glass containers.
Essential Fatty Acid oils go off very quickly, so should be kept away from light, heat and air. Keep in the fridge once opened (1 week). They are destroyed by commercial processing, so always buy FRESH COLD PRESSED
Pesticides often concentrate in fats and oils, so it is best to buy ORGANIC whenever possible.
From a calorie viewpoint, all oils are equally fattening.
They contain 120 calories per tablespoon.
For optimum weight loss, reduce your overall fat/oil consumption to a sensible level: 25-30% of calories is very good; although 20-25% is better; while fats experts advocate 15-20%
Fear of Losing
I was in the third grade. Like most third graders I had a vivid imagination and lots of energy, and I loved to draw. One day in class as I was drawing away, oblivious to everything but the smell of the crayons, the feel of them on the paper and the wild and wonderful colours they produced.
I suddenly noticed that all the other kids were laughing and making fun of my drawing. It took me aback. I was sort of stung. The well-intentioned teacher admonished the other children for laughing but reminded me that the assignment was to colour inside the lines.
I was deeply embarrassed and decided at that moment that I never wanted to experience that kind of stuff again. I made a simple decision never to draw again. Even though I enjoyed drawing it became more important never to risk being “humiliated”.
It is not important to know whether I wanted to become an artist and if my aspirations were destroyed in the third grade. I will never know—because I chose a path designed to avoid situations where I might be embarrassed like that again. My early warning system went on alert at that moment and it generalized. It no longer warned me simply about drawing; it helped me avoid situations where embarrassment might occur. And this influenced all kinds of choices I made later in life.
Our early warning systems are put on full alert early in our lives to help us avoid situations in which our status or sense of belonging might be threatened. And so when we are asked whether we experience fear, the reasonable answer is no, because we have often spent a lifetime avoiding those situations where fear or embarrassment might result.
Analysts call this strategy as “Playing not to Lose”. Playing not to lose is like playing tennis against an eight year old who hasn’t played before. We aren’t in any jeopardy of losing; we can claim ourselves to be winner after every match…but we are not playing (living) anywhere near our potential because we are afraid of losing.
We often adopt the “play not to lose” strategy coz we believe that the consequences of embarrassment or losing are awful. We imagine them to be so awful that they are akin to psychological death---“I’ll be embarrassed to death”. This avoidance of embarrassment or losing leads us to regret later in life.
Ask yourself:
a) How you define winning, at work in the family, in other aspects of your life?
b) What situations you avoid because at some level you think there is a risk of losing a sense of belonging or status?
c) What situations do you avoid that could be important to your personal or professional growth?
The Phenomenon of Allergy
Thanks to the World Wide Web spun by the spider of technology, the non medical person has medical information at his fingertips, loads more than his doc. The poor doc with years of mugging pillow sized books has to read a whole Pandora’s box of diseases while the person affected with a particular condition has to only look up what pertains to himself.
Armed with this knowledge, his confidence levels are soaring and he decides to “check” this out with his physician by bombarding him with so many queries up to the latest news on WebMD, reducing the already beleaguered man into a ridiculous blob of muck, shit and misery.
So how do we guys tackle this unpleasant situation? Of course we could speak medical jargon, but the patient prods on relentlessly, and the last resort is to take refuge in the wonderful term called “Allergy”. A hundred salutes to whoever invented the word.
A person who is suffering from a skin rash has allergy. A person with a dry hacking cough is in a state of allergy. The raving maniac is also suffering from allergy and so does the nocturnal wheezer. You name it and I can fit it into the spectrum of allergy.
When I had taken up a night duty job at a well known private hospital in Adyar, Chennai, whilst I was pursuing my MD, I was disturbed at odd hours by patients who had either a skin rash or a wheeze. Sleepily I came down from the DMO’s room and attend to the patient who is red in the face, lying on the bed and scratching all over.
“What is the problem?” I would ask.
“Doc, I don't know what happened, but since 2pm in the afternoon I have this itching all over my body,” would be the reply. After a brief history taking and examining the patient I would say that he is having an “allergy.”
Fantastic, I would think to myself. This bloke has been scratching his balls since afternoon and he conveniently drops in at 2 am in the night to pester me. I dare not show an inkling of this but would ask the staff nurse on duty to fix him up with a shot and scribble out a prescription for 3 days, all the while sporting a plastic smile.
“Why couldn’t you come earlier?” I would sometimes venture to ask.
“No doc, I popped a pill called Allegra and thought it might subside, but it took a turn for the worse,” says the patient.
“Hmmm. Never self medicate,” I would say with an air of vindication. “Take the tablets I have prescribed and you should be as fit as a fiddle.”
I would have written another brand name for Allegra from a rival pharma company. It satisfies me that I have looked over the patient as best as I can, and the patient that he has had the benefit of an “expert's” advice.
The patient thanks me profusely but the anxious parent/brother/sister/friend who has accompanied him volunteers, “What do you think is the reason for the allergy, doc?”
“Oh, it can be anything,” I say nonchalantly, “From the food that you ate, to household dust, hairs from pets, pollen from the garden etc etc.” This is in effect: “Don't bug me with this anymore. I don't know how you landed up with this and I cant tell you how you can get yourself rid of this. Grin and bear with the damn thing until it leaves you. God knows when it is going to leave you”
I ask the patient to figure out what he has done in the past few days that might have triggered this problem and send him home on an introspective mood. Poor chap he goes home and yells at his wife for dusting the house today, or cursing her that she made some food item with litres of oil in it, and chiding her for having so many kittens in the house, which triggered his allergic condition.
The term allergy has come to span a whole gamut of diseases, like allergic asthma, allergic rhinitis, allergic sinusitis, allergic bronchitis, allergic this and allergic that. Medical science is becoming more and more metaphysical, ranging from the seen to the unseen!
At this rate of dumping anything and everything under allergy carries on, as RK Narayan humorously put it, the time wouldn’t be very far when we would point at a passing funeral and say, “That man isn’t dead, but is allergic to life”
Doctors: My Ordeal-Part 3
The ordeal of gulping the cough syrup now behind, it was time the capsule meted out its harshness on me, which meant another furore. Stomaching a capsule was something next to the impossible. However hard I tired, tried and again tried, I never succeeded. Whoever came up with the idea of a capsule? I had always seen it as a cartridge filled with explosives waiting to explode any moment inside me.
I was asked to look up and open my gob while mom poured some water into it. I am supposed to hold the water there and she would pop the capsule into my water filled mouth. I worked my deglutition skills to the best of my ability, but simply could not. Either I would gulp only the water leaving the bitter capsule in my mouth or I would end up spraying the water into the air like a whale would while lazing away in the waters. One capsule wasted.
Another method was given a try. I take the pill in my hand, place in my tongue and then drink some water to wash it down. Instead of going downwards as gravity says it should, it is repulsed with such force that it threatened to smash to smithereens anyone who stood in its path. Another capsule wasted.
“Oru maathirai vilai enna theriyuma unakku?” (do you know the cost of one capsule?), my dad chides me, bringing the cost factor into play to see if that can do something to me to digest it. I stare back at him with a look that said, “What has cost got to do with my swallowing the tablet, the darn thing simply refuses to go in.”
Time for some drastic measures. Dad then dissects the capsule neatly into two halves and empties its yellowish powdery “explosives” and mixes it with a little bit of honey. I thrust my sticky amphibian tongue outside and he applies the honey-powder mixture on it and I drink litres of water to dissolve the thing and send it down my digestive tract so much so that it threatened to exit the “other” way.
The effect of the bitterness was so great that it sent my facial muscles into a tight knot that required future generations to unknot it. I was allowed to sleep 15 mins later. By now I am dead tired and exhausted, so I go off into a deep slumber, comfortably covered by layers of warm blankets.
Mid-way into my sleep, I am stirred awake by something cold, wet, clammy and soggy. Oh Yessssss! I forgot to tell you that I had this wonderful and exciting habit of nocturnal micturition (bed wetting) up to about 11 yrs. I get up, rub my groggy eyes and make my way to my parents’ bedroom. I gently tap my mom, motioning her to get up.
Poor she. She is fast asleep after all the “torturing” she had to undergo to put me to sleep. Finally when she gets up, I say, “appa ennoda bed a nanachittaanga !” (dad wet my bed!) Liar the Great! My mom says sleepily, “cheri ok, shorts kalatti pottuttu paduthu thoongu po, vera shorts kaalaila pottukalaam” (remove that wet shorts and go to sleep, I’ll fetch you another pair of shorts in the morning)
How can a male kid go back to sleep naked from the butt downwards? I pester her for a fresh pair, which she does grudgingly. Another bedspread now in place and comfy with the new pair of shorts on, I go back to dream where I had left it halfway.
The next morning, I am up with the lark feeling rejuvenated and on top of the world for today is going to be a holiday for me. Woooohoooo. I reach for my bicycle and begin cycling out into the orchard in a frenzy. My parents are relieved to see me back on my feet and my usual cherubic self. But my mom is secretly drawing up plans in her mind as to how she is going to cope up with my nuisance the whole day.
On other normal, fever free days, I had to be repeatedly woken up by my mom every 10 mins only to go back to sleep again. I kept sleeping even as she bathed and packed me off to school and woke up fully only when the cheery Mrs. Wilson said, “ Good morning children”.
I drawl back, “Goo-ooo-ood moo-rni-iiing Maaa-aaam”.
She notices that and says in a sweet voice, “You still are sleeping, aren’t you, child? Go and run around the playground three times.” There are some guffaws in the class now.
Christ! I had it early in the morning.
Ok.
Off I go and begin my ‘rounds’, cursing her all the while to go to hell. Purgatory is what she deserves. Doesn’t she? I come back to the class all sweaty, huffing and puffing. If there wasn’t any sign of exertion she’ll send me back for another three more! Boy, she was one lady who knew how to handle me.
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