My fav beggars/panhandlers!

Question:
Prove that begging and not prostitution is the oldest profession in the world.

Answer:
Actually the first prostitute tried begging and when that didn’t work or when lusty males leered at her and wanted sex, she gave in, haggled over the price of her body and made easy money. (She looked down upon begging thereafter)

Conclusion:
Isn’t it obvious? So there you go...QED

My area-Velachery-as are other places in Chennai, is full of beggars/panhandlers. I am not here to argue whether one should shell out a coin or not give them any thereby 'discouraging' them to beg. I have my personal favourite beggars. (It is very much the same way you guys have fav actors, politicians and cricketers)

There are 3 notable ones and each has a specific area and they will not be found begging outside of their 'fort' and any other panhandler encroaching into theirs will be prosecuted badly with a flurry of words and sometimes even fisticuffs.

The lady near the FoodWorld Supermarket:
She is about 80 (at least looks like that, I've never ventured asking her age, coz I am a prudent male...never ask femmes their age...ask no question and get no lies) She is just a bundle of bones covered in skin, poor thing. What is worse, she has those horrible truncal tremors...tch tch tch...her body (trunk) keeps shaking so violently and she finds it very difficult to walk. Probably she has Parkinson's. Despite her difficulty she approaches every stranger with a plea for money. There is an eatery below the FoodWorld and when garbage from there is thrown into the nearby dustbin she shuffles towards it and bends into it (almost throwing herself inside) searching for something that could be of use.

You would be wondering how such a shaky woman can even reach out her hand to ask for alms. In Parkinson's typically tremors take place when the limbs are at rest as opposed to when there is movement. (Movement decreases the tremors). I don’t fail to give her a coin or two whenever I go to the supermarket. My thoughts go...: Does she have a son or daughter, maybe her son is a nice man and the daughter-in-law shooed her off...maybe her daughter is a nice lady but her son-in-law doesn’t allow her anywhere near the house. Poor she!

The man near the ATM (I am not telling which ATM for fear of being mugged there by you folks):
This man has Hansen's--med term for leprosy. I always imagine him to be Lazarus. He is quiet, has a contented look about him and doesn’t force peeps to give him money. I think of him as a brilliant chap. Maybe he could've become a software professional and coz of the draconian caste based seat reservation system in TN, he narrowly missed out on getting into an engineering college. (These days in TN it is enough if you have secured a 'pass' in the 12th Board eggzams...some colleges have so many seats that aren’t filled up at all).

But sometimes I think he is really stupid...why would I (or for that matter anyone) go to an ATM? Most likely to withdraw money coz I don’t have a pie on me. And when I come out of the ATM, I am not going to have a pocket full of change coz the machine hands out soiled dirty notes as opposed to spanking crisp ones in the times of yore when ATM's were more of a tourist must-see-place and dear hubby took his wifey and daughter along with him into it and explained with an air of importance on how it functions to his kid and better half while I waited patiently outside getting redder as the seconds went by as slow as Ravi Shastri's batting. (Yea it is a wonder that he hit six sixes in an over)

Well, I try to fish a coin from my trouser pocket and meanwhile our man waits with bated breath to see how much I am going to come up with after fiddling in my trouser pockets for a whole 30 seconds. Alas there is only a 25paise coin and I can sense his frustration. He even curses me under his breath. Meanwhile a svelte femme is getting out of the ATM and our man can get a whiff of the heavenly perfume she is wearing and gallops towards her as if he were going to carry her off a la Prithiviraj Chauhan.

I imagine: How would it be if that bugger-beggar went and planted a kiss on her luscious cheeks

The lady near the Temple:
She isn’t a beggar technically. She sits inside the temple compound and on the pretext of watching over the footwear which the devotees leave behind she 'extends her hands', I repeat, 'extends her hands' while the person comes to retrieve his/her footwear. An unofficial footwear valet you could say!

I happily gave this lady a coin almost daily (coz I visit the Temple everyday, I am a holy fellow you see) till the day I saw a scene. I thought she was a destitute (she looks like a right royal hag) but one day her son came to get the morning 'collections' from her! Mother and son were speaking to each other affectionately and that bugger handed over a tiffin box (with food) for her lunch and left after bidding good bye and best wishes. I asked the hag who he was and that is how I know he is her son.

Back at home I told my mom what had happened. My mom nonchalantly: "Didn’t you know that the old hag is the mother in law of our neighbour's servant lady? She has a daughter who is married to a rich man it seems” "Oh dang! These peeps are well 'settled' eh? Hope she isn't married to a H1B visa holder and on a H4 herself” I thought to myself. But even then I don’t refrain from handing over a coin to her. Maybe she is some Goddess who masquerades as an old lady just to test my charitable sense. I have read so many Amar Chithra Katha comics that say God came in a beggar's avatar to test the devotion and charity of devotees. I wouldn’t want to take a risk, so I continue giving my favs a coin or two whenever I see them (rather whenever they panhandle me). I am a miser. Uff!