Handling women

The recent spate of blogs which "advised" women about how to carry themselves after a split with a friend/spouse got me thinking a wee bit, something that I dont do very often;) Agreed that a split is a predicament, but let me express a few "professional" thoughts.

First of all no one is indispensable in this wonderful world. It is a hard fact which most might be shocked to hear more so with the optimists, and NO, I am not a pessimist.

Dont we as adults know how to move on with the loss of a dear one though we cannot get over the loss? How we move on and what we do to move on is still one of the inexplicable things, and each is an individualistic experience and men and women handle it in different ways, simply because they are wired differently not for the better nor for the worse.

It has been proven scientifically that men and women use different "pathways" of communication and we would do well to understand the basic gender differences and each others shortcomings thereof and learn to accept them to improve our quality of relationships. We can do nothing to change the innate qualities of the sexes but just understand the differences and to be able to move on to a common platform of understanding and love.

If you are going to ask me how are they wired differently, I shall have to tell you a basic anatomical fact that the "corpus callosum" that connects the left side of the brain to the right is much more developed and well connected in the female rather than the male, and this helps the femmes multitrack many things simultaneously when the male finds himself totally at a loss.

How many times a male has asked the tv vloume to be reduced while speaking on the phone? Any number of times, but a femme can handle this with ease.

Oestrogen enhances articulation and fine motor skills, though it depresses a woman's spatial ability. Men have brains that are highly compartmentalised and they can store away information and also possess the ability to separate, coz a man's monotracking brain can file them all away. The femme brain does not store info this way but she needs to get rid of her problems by talking about them and when a woman talks at the end of a day, her objective is to discharge the problems and not to find conclusions or solutions. So when the man listens (even that he wont be able to) he finds her "nagging".

Women dont use language as only just a tool to communicate, unlike the men, but also use it to bond and create a rapport. Men mainly talk inside their heads because they dont have the verbal capacity that women have to use words externally for communication.

Men can sit with each other in a meeting for long periods of time with little speech and no one feels uneasy about it---its just like fishing!. Men often enjoy a quiet drink after work and thats exactly what it is--quiet. A woman will verbalise a series of items out loud in random order, listing possiblities and options, this is her way of thinking aloud. This is one of the reasons why men accuse women of talking too much and that too trivial matters.

With greater flow of info between both the hemispheres of the brain, women can talk about several subjects simultaneously in a single sentence. It is like juggling 3-4 balls at the one time and they do it effortlessly without dropping them. At the end of the conversation each woman knows something about the several subjects being discussed, the events that took place and the meaning of each. This multi tracking ability is frustrating for a man as the male brain is mono tracked and can only handle one subject at a time.

When women are multi tracking several subjects, men are completely dazed and confused. Take this family conversation for eg.

Allan: Now, wait a minute--who said what to whom at the office?

Barbara: I wasnt talking about the office--I was talking about my BIL

Allan: Your BIL? You dint tell me that you changed the subject!

Barbara: Well you have to pay closer attention. Everyone else understands.

Fiona(sister): Yes I knew what she meant. Its perfectly clear to me.

Jasmine(daughter) So did I dad, your so dumb, you never follow anything!

Allan: I give up with you women.

Cameron(son): Yeah me too, and I am only a kid!

If a woman is talking to you a lot, she likes you. If she isnt, then you are in trouble. Men take an average of nine mins to understand that he is being punished by the woman by keeping silent and until that mark is reached he sees her silence as a bonus--he's getting some "peace and quiet!"

And it is a well known fact that women are indirect as opposed to men and women talk emotively while men are literal. So my dear pals, I keep going on and on, partly due to personal experience and mostly coz of professional experience;)

The basic and THE problematic thing in splits with pals/bf/gf/spouse is lack of communication. This stems from the fact that each of us, expect the other to behave like ourselves whereas the genders are wired differently. Learn to recognise each other's short comings and talk on a common level and for heaven's sake dont assume.

More later if any one is interested;)

PS: Some sentences(like the dialogue) have been excerpted from the book : Why Men dont listen and women cant read maps by Allan and Barbara Pease. A must read for all people, simple, humourous, understandable and more than all it contains facts.